iseng ajah

God is not fair
God is never fair
God is selfish
God is childish
He chooses who He likes
He disposes who He dislikes
God is in full power
God is in control
God is never wrong
God knows best
God would never leave you
He will only ignore you
God will not forsake you
He will just condemn you
God will not hate you
He will just not hear you
God is never far away
He only sits in His throne billion light years away
God will never be angry at you
He will just send quakes and storms near you
God is fair
You just have to see everything in His eyes
God is Almighty
Disobey and you shall be smite
God will give you anything
If you’re willing to throw away everything

Marah

when you think then stop thinking,
when you feel then stop feeling,


It is not that I have any ill intent or the sort, I am just being me. It is not that I am being cruel, I am being perceptive. You feel that you need others acknowledgement to be satisfied with who you are, you think that you need other respects and adoration to be special, this is not true. Insults that you received they have no meaning, criticism thrown to your face left no injuries, it is not them, it’s you.


You’ll receive what you gave, you’ll catch what you’ve thrown, and it is just a circle that you’re not willing to see. If you know what you want, and you know what you need, then forget what you want, and neglect what you need. I have no reason, but neither do you, I have no destination, and you are lost. This is not the one you’ll want to harvest after a season long planning and planting.


I see you crying in fear, but you forget that crying requires tears; I see you doubt yourself, but admitting would mean losing to you. You are not what you think you are, you are less than that; still you’re not ready to accept the facts. You stayed in silence, running from what you want to be and be they want you to be.


You’re simple, ignorant, and arrogant. You smile with your heart, but still you are arrogant, I can sense your arrogance but you still deny this reality. I hate that you change your mind every time any one new say some little well known facts about life, you are not smart, you are shallow. You believe in empty promises, you say empty words, things that are as empty as your head.

You act wise but you don’t know any wisdom, you recite from books that mean nothing, you utter words that are hollow wrapped in beautiful cloth. You swallow everything whole, ignoring the fact that your brain is the ultimate guide, you see want you want to see; you see what they want you to see, you can never see anything as it is.


I hate you for this, you change without knowing anything, and you declined a hand for help, and received another. A misguided hand, a person who as narrow as you, and yet I do not know the reason. I see everything as it is, but why?


As if nothing matters, people see what they want to see, I’m different because I see things as it is?
I’m not wrong for saying the naked truth
Or do you prefer pretty lies?

Punished

God is punishing me
For what I was
For what I could’ve been


God hates me
For what I’ve lost
For what I should’ve won


God chooses me
For what I never wanted to be

God disposes me
And not to be what I conceived to be

God shoves me
To the side when I walk in the middle
To the back when I push myself forward


God guides me
Pull me hand and push my back
When I see clearly everything up ahead


God leaves me
Bring down the night and turn off the lights
When I was blinded and my limbs are bounded


God is awkward
God is weird
Kicks you down when you were up
Drags you on when you were off


God does the opposite
Of what you have ever gave credit

And so I lit my cigarette


Staring on the blanks on my walls, wondering what would they be like if they were painted in another color, it was white by the way, just pale normal white. I sipped a deep breath, injecting toxic inside my body and the exhaling the same toxic back to the world. The world as it is had already have enough toxic, but I was merely excersizing my right to poison this world.


As the paper and tobacco turned to ash, I flicked my cigarette, removing the burnt part. When the ash was removed I noticed the amber of the cigarette, I was wondering where it went, it didn’t go anywhere, it was just hidden from my sight by the trail of residues it left behind.



The amber turned to bright glowing red fire as I inhaled the cigarette, and returned to its common orange color when I stopped. Ironic, oxygen, a substance I need to stay alive is now keeping the cigarette, which is slowly killing me, from dying.




My chest hurts for every smoke I breath, but my mind was at ease, another irony, I have to corrupt my body in order to keep my mental health, I had probably finished half a pack since this morning, but I wasn’t bothered by the fact. Addiction is not a sign of lack in self control; it is just an expression of self helplessness, how we are not able to manage some urges, regardless how much effort we’ve put trying to put it in submission.




I picked up another cigarette this time just placing it in my lips, not wanting to light it. I played with it for a few seconds, moving it left and right with a single movement of my tongue. Then I got bored, picked my lighter on put it on fire. And so the process repeats.


bye2

I'm the king

I’m the ruler and the king. I chose who lives and who dies. Weighing all the options with balanced proportions, one with my right hand, and the other with my left hand.


I fear of chaos, a society disregarding its rules and having no same objective, viewing this with his own eyes, and seeing that with another’s, a society having no goal, and no fear.


Anarchism I can never tolerate, different is never good. Thus I decree, no man or woman shall be different. I weigh this with a balanced scale, it’s never fair but this is what my people need, blunting the edge of the ego’s knife, eliminating any need to revolt and rebel.


I am the tyrant, with an iron fist I plough the soil, and with my sweat I fertilize the land. There shall be no common man who sees his fate better than his neighbor, they shall tell tall tales about the past, and its society succumbing to pits of diversity.


There shall be no more. Fear I hold in my right hand, hate grasp with my left hand, if you are the same between you and your friends, than you can never see envy’s growth.


I am the savior, with care I shorten the tall, and with love I heighten the short. There shall be no special man who leads the follower; they shall hear no stories of such magnificent man.


There shall be more. Grain of rice and beads of coffee, I breath the fluid, and exhales the foul. Such strong fragrant of the morning coffee, such weak scent of the cooked rice.


I am the common man; I shall guide my people since I am in command. I choose the cloth they wore, I select the water they drink. They shall not fear me, they will not love me. They will obey me because they want me.


At 5 am they tie their shoes, at 6 they will jog, at 7 they will rest and at 8 they will work


Such detail plan, for each and every man, such cunningness of a severe genius, and thus I shall be generous


I am the savant! I do well with art; I do horribly in no such.

Every baby shall be accounted for, Even if had to be done door to door. Every life expectancy, every books they fancy, They will not escape me.

Thus no cripple will grow, no idiot shall live

No mistake to be feared

I’m your emperor, I am your ruler. without a crown on my coronation, cause I haven’t found the need for such commotion

Bye bye

My bags

I have nothing in my bag
I have notes and pens
I have nothing in my bag
I have erasers and pencils
I have nothing in my bag
I have sharpeners and scissors
With rulers and inks
I have nothing in my bag
Name tags and cards
Broken glass left nothing but shards
I have nothing in my bag
Bills and papers
One for each chamber
I left nothing in my bag


-Tas ku ketinggalan di kantor hics hics hics…-

buzz

I’m a coward

Hiding beneath layers of protection

I’m a coward

Walking through the night with a light in my hand

I’m a coward

I see with my eyes closed and cover them with my hand

I’m a coward

Seeing the truth and seeking a conviction

I’m a coward

Mud on my face

I’m a coward

Tomatoes and sauce

I’m a coward

Warming myself with ice

I’m coward

I’m a coward

I hate

I angry

I furious

I’m not

I am

Just gold and glitter

Turn left there is no right

I love

I like

I try

I fail

I not succeed

Just water and porridge

Block the road under the ditch

Avenge the revenge

Return the favor

Lighten your skin with bleach

On hot summer on the beach

Black light under the autumn sun

Seed and spawn of the naked gun

Bees and birds

Fleas on the bride

Boom is the sound

While waiting for the groom

Just like father and son

There’s no more family warming the sun

The noon under the full moon

Some times it came a bit too soon

Sing sing sing under the rainbow

It’s the drug for all the eyes to see

Books and pens

Sin and men

Women and dress

Cars running on fire

Is it just another mess?

Take this cloth of linen mesh

Step out and take the trash

I see blue under the orange sun

I see gray over the white pale night sun

Ant bites and runs

Aunt runs and cries

See their uncle dies

And eaten by maggots and flies

I am not sick

I am well over six

Bricks and chicks

Whips the cows for the milks

Black spots of inks

And then don’t forget the kitchen sink

Drink the food

Chew the fluid

Air is a fluid

How can I believe what I can not see?
Air is solid

How can I not believe what I can feel?

Air is blowing

Can I hear the voiceless?
Air is stagnant

Can I spoke the unspoken?

Thy shall not regret

Thy shall obey

Thus I regret to obey

Thus I didn’t regret to not obey

Thus I regret to not obey

Thus I didn’t regret to obey

I hate

I hard

I soft

A soup of millennial age

A soup of life

A soup scattered around the flat earth

The earth I say is never round

The sun I say does not evolve

I revolt!

I rebel!

I do not care what I see

I censor

I censor what you see

You see whatever I want to see

I obey

I understand

I bow

Under the sleeping stars

Stars and oceanic chaos

Thus life is reborn

Given birth by father earth

And mother time

Father nurtures

And mother teach

Blossoms under the spring weather

I see the real bloom

It was never like that

I say

You say

Arguing on the month of May

I hate

I love

Ironic

Contradictive

And iron of vindictive

V is not for Vendetta

V is for Vindication

V stand for Vandalism

The eyes of the Vandals

Covers on their sandals

Just blue is never gray

Just is never gray

Just is never white

Just is always blue

And never black

Just is what you see

What you do

What you don’t want to believe but it’s always true

Bloo Blooo Blooo

two Os are pronounce “U”

Bye2